Posts Tagged ‘relationships’
Many times what we learn about love is counterfeit. It is love masquerading as getting our emotional and other needs met and meeting those of others, a reward offered for satisfying our heart’s desires.The first thing to remember is that only through having a deep inner awareness of being love itself are we able to see the distinction between love as a noun and love as a verb, to being itself without a subject or object upon which it is placed or directed.
Without this distinction one can become addicted to what they think is love, but it’s really love masquerading as getting our emotional and other needs met. Many people are addicted to love but real love is not addiction nor is addiction love. Love addiction is unhealthy attachment to people, euphoria, romance or sex in an attempt to get needs met. Or when we unconsciously look to others to fix our fear, pain and discomfort and tolerate or inflict abusive behaviors in the process.
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When our inner boundaries are doing what they are supposed to do, they make it possible for us to relate to our inner world rather than being taken over by it. Inner boundaries separates the parts we accept about ourselves from the parts that are too shameful or scary to bring up and out. As breakthrough coaches we support our clients in coming to peace with ALL of who they are – the parts they love and the parts they don’t. We do this at we believe it is through this process we can begin to live more wholesome lives.
Your inner boundary structure will influence your boundary style entirely. It is what’s creating all the meaning your making of the world you live in. They in fact are the source of addictions that people use to numb themselves from experiences or choose to live life fully.
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Dr. Weiss in the book Many Lives Many Masters told the story of a rich man and a beggar who lived in upstate New York.
He suggested that they had a soul contract that they both would return to the earth field and play as reminders during each others life journey. The rich man worked on Wall Street and every evening as he came down the flight of stairs in his three-piece suit; there was the beggar – dirty, smelly and hungry begging for money. Dr. Weiss gives an in-depth account of the soul contracts we make with each other in order to support each other in fulfilling the purpose for our lives on earth. He alluded that the beggar wasn’t concern about returning to earth as a beggar but he loved his soul brother so much that the agreement to return superseded everything else.
I fell in love with the work of Dr. Weiss soon after reading his book and had the pleasure of being at his workshop last February. Truly his body of work is amazing and life changing! The story above reminds me of the feeling tone of kinship that we feel with others, the unexplainable language of connection. One day we strive to be as close to each other as the breath we breathe and the next we want to be distant – apart – a battle within.
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You can’t be all things people!
The best among us get that, yet how often do you find yourself saying yes when you really want to say no. Every time we say yes to something that is unimportant, we are saying no to something that is important. “Yes men” and “yes women” never create anything great if they are constantly saying yes to the unimportant. What is unimportant? Anything or anyone that is not moving you in the direction of the highest vision for your life.
Say no to the friend who wants to meet over coffee to gossip.
Say no to the co-worker who wants to spread his negativity and cynicism.
Say no to the relative who laughs at your dreams and makes you doubt yourself.
Say no to the social obligations that drain time from your life’s work.
Know what needs to get done over the coming weeks, months and years for you to feel that you played your best game.
Say yes to that and then say no to everything else. Sure some people around you might not be happy. But would you rather live your life according to the approval of others or aligned with your truth and your dreams? Where are you with accomplishing your dreams for this year? We are more than half way finished. Contact us for support.
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It is unimaginable because your experiences are different from another individual. They are feeling and seeing differently from you in each moment. An opinion or “solution giving” may just not be what’s needed.
I have been thinking about the concept of “walking in another man shoe” and what I have concluded for me is that the task is impossible. I can only stand in the gap with you whether in silence, with a hug or smile but the words often fail me. In fact the more silence that I can bring into the space will be the more opportunity for the inspiration of Spirit to flow into my heart, up to the brain and out my mouth.
You see the light I choose to share these days is the light of my presence. It may lead into “how can I support you?” but it definitely starts with my presence. To fully show up for someone else could be the act of lighting someone else’s candle. It could be just what the other person need in order to grow through the opening of their heart.
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How do you get across the bridge before you?
The one you have created with your imagination and laced with trimmings of accolades and achievements that will support you in living your best life. Often times we can envision so well the life we desire. The relationships we would like to experience and the family and friends we would like to help out. The imagery keeps us up at night and perhaps we retell the stories over and over to those around us.
However, there comes that time when we must get the goals and dreams from our minds and into our expressed world, where they become accomplished and or manifested. No longer can you leave it to chance or the big break to get this done but you must begin at once to take the necessary steps. Crossing this bridge is really about the practice discipline. Using the practice of discipline can help you in three ways:
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“A perfectionist is a person who takes great pains, and gives even greater pain to others.”
I came across this thought recently and had to pause for a moment. The endless pursuit of perfection is a psychological sickness that destroys all possibilities of inner growth. It destroys the beingness of our uniqueness and talents as one goes about attempting to attain the impossible. Everybody is trying to be perfect. And the moment somebody starts trying to be perfect he starts expecting everybody else to be perfect. This is the misery of the impossible goal. Condemning, humiliating and giving unsolicited opinions to others ruin the authenticity of self and relationships.
One then begins to feel guilty when he awakens from the illusion that he cannot be perfect. This awakening can come with much sadness and hurt as one loses respect for self and ultimately all others. Imagine what it would be like hanging around this person. The truth is we are hanging around or being this person every day. A perfectionist takes time day and night in the fight with self to be something he or she cannot be and makes those around them very miserable.
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Are you tired of people pleasing?
Are you over not meeting other people’s expectation for you? Give yourself permission to be your best self then. Now is the time to take back control of your life. Too often we spend our days seeking the approval of those around us and end up living a life of misery.
For me people pleasing started very early. I recall feeling a sense of not enough after my mother migrated and left me with my relatives. Here I was a dark-skinned little girl surrounded by family and siblings that I thought didn’t look like me. Yes, I knew in kindergarten that I looked different from my sisters because those around me made it known. I sought so hard to be loved and accepted. To simply be liked and considered beautiful. Little did I know that this thought pattern would follow me into my adult years.
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Appreciating whatever shows up for you in your life actually re-calibrates your very vibration. When we see others with a spirit of appreciation and gratitude we can often times find the beauty in what is and not in what we are hoping for, wanting or interpreting.
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Gratitude is a fullness of heart that moves us through limitation to a space of expansion and love.
When we appreciate someone or something, our ego moves out-of-the-way, because we can’t have our attention on ego and gratitude at the same time. Just for a moment consider the things you have in your life that you could be grateful for. All the natural relationships, material comforts, your body and the mind that really allows you to understand yourself and everything around you. Breathe and be grateful for the air that’s filling your lungs and making your life possible. Feel your body and consider what a miracle it is simply to be alive, right now. Feel the love, compassion, and understanding that gratitude brings into your heart.
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